When people first find out they’re expecting a baby, besides all the excitement, uncertainty and nervousness, there are naturally a lot of questions! A big one I hear a lot is: “wait, what do babies really need?”. I will try to answer this question in two parts, from my perspective as a Montessori guide who’s been lucky to know a lot of precious newborn babies.
In this piece, I’ll go over the needs of the newborns as a fresh human being, and how we can welcome them as parents and caregivers. In a next piece, I’ll talk about how the different spaces in the home support the newborn’s needs, and give some practical suggestions for items that you can purchase or make in preparation of your baby’s arrival.
Babies are already really awesome and capable at birth, and the things they need from us are truly the simplest but most important of all - understanding, empathy, connection, an enthusiastic welcome into the world of humans, and the invitation to join us in building the shared project of humankind. As they get used to life outside the womb, our job as grown-ups is to bridge the gap and guide their journey. Let’s start from the beginning:
The newborn baby as an alien
Maria Montessori referred to the newborn baby as
“… this being who, in the birth process, must undergo an adaptation worse than sudden, who literally passes from one existence to another.”
She describes the shift he or she experiences:
“Until this moment, he grew gently in a warm fluid created especially for him, protecting him from any imbalance or any drop in temperature, light and sound … Yet at birth he is ejected from this home to live in the air. Without the least transition, he is pushed from perfect repose to the exhausting world of being born. His body is crushed almost as if he had passed between two millstones, and he comes to us wounded, like a pilgrim who has journeyed from a distant land.”
I find this framing refreshing and important. We often forget to think of the baby’s life before birth, what that environment was like for them, and the intensity of the journey they must make in order to reach us on this side! When they are born everything is new, as if they were an alien arriving on a different planet: gravity and the weight of the body, that once moved effortlessly through liquid and now offers so much resistance, new sensations from touch, temperature changes, breathing, eating, eliminating, all the lights and noises - and if you think about it, the usual scenario that a baby is born into isn’t very soothing for a new person experiencing all of these sensations for the first time, as it can be very busy, bright and noisy, with doctors and nurses moving and testing their bodies before they even have a chance to lay on their mother’s body (this is sometimes necessary and urgent, of course! but not always.).
All of this is the baby’s job to decode and integrate - a very hard job! But already so early, babies are capable, and ready to tackle these challenges - in utero they are moving around and kicking, sucking their thumbs for comfort, touching their own face… during birth the baby can be an active participant, making their way out of the womb by twisting and turning, in sync with the mother’s body. After birth babies can even find their mother’s breast and promptly start to nurse - so that they have food, warmth and safety from the beginning. Babies are also capable in the sense that they communicate their needs by crying, ensuring our attention and care is available.
The symbiotic period: closeness takes a new shape
In Montessori, we use this term to refer to the first 6 to 8 weeks after birth. I remember the first time my teacher trainer said that symbiosis means “a life together”. This is a period where the baby and mother adjust to their new relationship, where the baby is now outside but still heavily dependent on their mom for survival. It can also be thought of as the beginning of an “external gestation”, and maps well onto what is now referred to as the “fourth trimester”. In fact, Silvana Montanaro (a Montessori 0-3 teacher trainer) described the first months after birth as
“a precious occasion for a second gestation: this time with the mother’s arm as a container and with the mother’s breast as a placenta and umbilical cord. In addition to a very clear biological necessity, there is also an important psychological reason for exterogestation. The human newborn, while still being supported by the mother, is capable of entering into and participating in a wider and richer human environment.”
She is talking about the fact that the human baby is born physically very immature, and gets a chance to “finish” gestating in a social human environment, which provides rich nourishment for the developing person. This social presence, to the newborn, consists of three important forms of contact: holding, handling and feeding. In each of these, the newborn needs us to see them, learn their cues, responses and rhythms, and do things with them instead of to them. We must remember that our baby needs time to take everything in and process it, and we can help them by doing things slowly, talking about what we are doing, pausing, and looking for signs in their faces and bodies.
In the symbiotic period, the newborn baby needs their mother so, so much! For this reason, it’s important that the mother care for herself and her needs, and that the person (or, ideally) people near her also care for her wellbeing - ensuring that she gets rest, nutritious food, and support as she navigates her new role.
Finding anchors in a strange reality
The world is a source of great wonder and confusion for a new baby. As stimulating and nourishing as this is, it can also become overwhelming very fast. Babies don’t have a very advanced internal model of how things on earth work yet, and they try to piece it together by noticing how things go - day by day. When they are first born, they have no concept of day or night… then, as their brains mature and they are exposed to regular periods of darkness and light, they form an internal model of the passing of time in a day - a circadian rhythm. Just like this, there are other events in a baby’s life that can be either a source of chaos or a source of order. If there is predictability in the baby’s environment (in time and in space), the baby can start to find anchors that help them make sense of things and feel safe. In Montessori we call these “points of reference”.
As a newborn, the baby has a few points of reference: the touch of their own hands, the mother’s heartbeat, voice, her scent, and perhaps the voices of other close family members. In the first months, we should try to preserve the baby’s access to these points of reference, and gradually expand upon them to create new ones: a certain rhythm to the day, a place where they rest, a place where they are changed and dressed, a lullaby they are sung… the sense of order from the external world gradually helps the baby form their internal sense of order.
The prepared adult
Babies are born to a beautiful pattern of of humans who care deeply about them - the centermost one being their parents or primary caregivers. Babies depend on us for the fulfillment of their basic needs, yes, but they depend most of all on the sense of security and love that we offer. Babies need adults who care about them as individuals, who trust and honor their abilities as they grow. They need adults who see all of the work that they are doing, and respect the time and space they need to concentrate and work things out for themselves. They need to be seen and to be known - just like every human. When we pause for a few minutes and observe a baby, we get a chance to witness all that they are capable of.
“...an adult should show himself to a child as a loving and enlightened guide assisting him.” - Maria Montessori
In becoming what Montessori called a “prepared adult” - one who is prepared to let a child’s development unfold naturally - parents can also work on getting more in tune with themselves and aligned with each other by discussing their own childhoods, their beliefs about growing up, and their desires for this new member of their family.
Babies breathe light and life into our world, and their presence inspires awe and awakens a deep love within us. New parents, immersed in this love, are doing their best to care for them, in a social context that often lacks most of the support we used to have... For most of human history, people learned how to care for a baby by watching the community around them raise children, and by practicing with help from experienced mothers and fathers - yet nowadays it can be quite common for people to go their entire adult lives having never held a baby before they become parents. Just like a baby, every new mother or father enters a journey that requires bravery and flexibility, and support from those around them.
Two psychological legs to stand on
As babies adjust to this strange new world and interact with the environment that surrounds them, the basis for their mental model is being formed. If the baby has responsive caregivers who respond to her needs and help her feel safe, she will form what we call the first “psychological leg”, a basic trust in the environment, and then develop a basic trust in herself, or the second “psychological leg”, as she starts to recognize that her attemps at communicating and interacting with the environment are successful. These are the two “core beliefs” that sustain a child’s worldview and self-esteem.
As the baby's basic needs are met with care, love and respect, the infant continues to form a sense of reality. That sense of reality logically might be that this new world is a pleasurable place to be. "I can trust that the adults will love and care for me. I can also trust myself to communicate my needs effectively. I am competent." Ideally, this reality would be a fact for most of the children in the world. - Virginia Varga
Every new interaction either reinforces this perspective of the world and onesself as a positive, enjoyable, exciting and safe place to be, or counters it. When we see babies through a lens of respect, follow their cues and timing, and give them access to points of reference that support their explorations, we’re cultivating a healthy, nurturing foundation for all that there is to come, and setting our baby up for success in her development.
If you liked learning more about Montessori newborns and are curious to know what this perspective entails in practice, come back to read the next piece, which will be out soon! ❤️
If you are preparing to welcome a newborn into your family and want more personalized advice and suggestions based on your lifestyle and budget, book a call with me here: 
Parent guidance
⬅️ Previous post: 
10 Montessori materials that *actually* make sense at home
➡️ Next post: 
Creating sanctuaries for endangered movements: home